Thankful Thursday

**UPDATE: As of this morning, January 23, Harper is at 43% oxygen! PTL!!!!! Keep praying!


I am going to be really honest in this post. It may get long, but I feel like I need to write it all out. I have had doubts about posting this, but feel that God has led me to express these things and I don't want to get in His way anymore.

I have never felt like I am living up to the person God called me to be. I have never been outspoken about my religious views and I have never really carried on a conversation about God. I have always felt embarrassed. I have always believed, but I have always doubted as well. My human mind starts thinking and wants to understand logically how God is real and how can all these things the Bible talks about be true. It is hard to understand any of it. I have recently learned that it is not my job to understand or to make sense of it all. It is my calling to fully trust and believe that God is real. It is my job to have faith that God is real and trust that HE understands everything and that is all that matters.

A few months ago I saw on Kim's website that she had done a painting for a soon arriving (and much anticipated) baby girl, Harper. My first thought was, "animal print? for a baby?" So I went over to check out Kelly's blog (Harper's mom). I was drawn to her story and her personality- but most of all, I think God sent me to that blog for a REASON. Kelly and her husband, Scott, had struggled with infertility for several years and had finally gotten pregnant. I went back to the beginning of her blog and read the whole thing! I have never seen anything negative on it. No matter what situation she blogged about, God's light truly shined through her- something I have never seen so clearly before.

I was raised in a Christian home, I went to a Christian school, I am a Christian and I have been since I was little. But I have never felt like people could see God in me because I never have let him shine through me.

Kelly posted about her pregnancy and even shared all the wonderful girly things she had received and bought for Harper. Her pregnancy was perfect and up until the day she delivered Harper everything seemed perfect. I checked the blog everyday to see whether or not Harper had made her debut. She was a much anticipated little girl! I kept checking throughout the day Friday (January 16) to see if she had arrived. I read late that night that she had in fact arrived, but that she was in critical condition. My first thought was, WHY? How could this happen? How could God let this happen to a family that has expected to meet a healthy little girl and hold her and love on her? I thought- this can't be God- Satan has gotten a hold on this family and is making himself known. Still, not once did Kelly post anything other than she needed our prayers and that they trusted God with their little girl, regardless of what happened.
Harper was born with pneumonia and was flown to Tulsa, OK following her birth while Kelly was still in the hospital to recover. (Harper weighed 9lbs 12 ounces!) Harper was placed on 100% oxygen and the future was not looking good.
Friday night I prayed more than I ever have in my life. I woke up all night long praying for God to heal Harper and to kick Satan out of the way. I have begged and pleaded with God to heal Harper and to breathe life into her little body. Slowly, each day, Harper is progressing.
Last night, Kelly posted and asked us to pray that the doctor could lower her oxygen to 95% and that she would be able to stay there. I again, along with many others all of the world, prayed once more. This time I felt led to pray for God to show himself like he never has before. See, thousands and thousands of people all over this world are praying for Harper and checking for updates everyday. God has an opportunity to show His realness to all of these people. I prayed that he touch Harper and show us that HE is in control and to show the doctors, who expected 95% that HE is the HEALER. And guess what?? HE DID!!!
Kelly posted this morning to tell us all that Harper was down to 77% oxygen!! God has proven that he is the great physician and that HE is at work here. I believe more than ever in the power of prayer and I will always be thankful to Him for leading me to Kelly's blog. I have prayed all week. I have begged God to make Himself known and He has! God is awesome, and I will never doubt him again. I know those are bold words, because I know that Satan will be working harder against me now, but God is on my side and I want him to shine through me.
Praise God for his work in Harper. I am thankful for little Harper's life. What a testimony she will have one day. She is proof that God is still in control.
I said that things "seemed perfect until she was born." They seemed perfect to me until things got bad. But now I believe that this whole process has been according to his perfect plan. I read somewhere once that "God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves." I didn't get this at first, but it was stuck in my head. No I get it. Completely. God doesn't like for his people to hurt, but he loves for his people to pray to Him and to completely rely on Him. He has allowed this family's pain, knowing they trusted Him enough to get through this trial, in order to bring people closer to Him. It may not be many people- but even if just one person comes closer to God, I know that Kelly and Scott will be forever grateful that God used them for that purpose. That is the kind of followers of Christ they are. I want to be that one.